Jimmy Fallon Quotables 6.24.19

Last night, the brother-sister team the Flying Wallendas walked across a tight rope 25-stories above Times Square. Even more impressive -- they were stuck behind a slow-walking group of tourists.

Things got really tense. At one point, they almost fell when their buzzer from Bubba Gump Shrimp started vibrating.

The very first Democratic debates are this week down in Miami. Most of the candidates are busy with debate prep, while Bernie Sanders spent the day on the beach with a metal detector.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 6.25.19

Guys, it is summer, and here in New York City, it’s actually supposed to be in the high 80s, low 90s and humid all week! For the five-day forecast on the local news, instead of showing the sun, they just use five middle finger emojis.

We’re just one day away from the very first Democratic presidential debate -- and it’s right here on NBC. I love that it’s on NBC, cuz we do things a little differently. Anytime the moderators like what they hear, they press a button and their chair spins around.

You know the debate’s on NBC, cuz it’s set now in Chicago.

Tomorrow is the first of two debates, and we get to see 10 candidates. I read that the better you’re doing in the polls, the closer to center stage you get to stand. So Elizabeth Warren and Beto O’Rourke will be in the middle, while Bill de Blasio will be watching from home in his living room.

Tomorrow the big names are Elizabeth Warren and Beto O’Rourke. If things go well for Warren, she might catch Biden in the polls, and if things go well for Beto, ABC might make him “The Bachelor.”

Today we found out that the replacement for Sarah Huckabee Sanders will be a woman named Stephanie Grisham. There was a lovely ceremony today when Sarah handed Stephanie the keys to the liquor cabinet.

Things are getting ugly between the US and Iran. I guess after Iran insulted him today, Trump tweeted, “Iran’s very ignorant and insulting statement, put out today, only shows that they do not understand reality…” Trump was like, “No one understands reality better than your reality star president.

He then went on to tweet, “Any attack by Iran on anything American will be met with great and overwhelming force. In some areas, overwhelming will mean obliteration.” Then Iran was like, “Okay -- who gave Trump a thesaurus?”

A new study found that drinking coffee can help burn fat. America was like, “Great! I’ll have TWO mocha frappuccinos with whipped cream and sprinkles.”

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 6.26.19

The debate was right here on NBC, and there was a lot of excitement in the building. It felt just like the Super Bowl -- you know, if 20 teams played the game over two nights and the winner wasn’t decided for another year.

We’re live and we just watched the first Democratic debate down in Miami! If you missed it, here’s what happened...There were 10 Democrats on stage, and to qualify, all a candidate needed was to poll at 1-percent or higher. That’s it?! I mean, even O.J. is at two percent.

Beto and Booker both spoke Spanish. But it's not that crazy because Miami has a large Spanish speaking community. I just hope that the next debate is in Boston so I can hear them say, "We need free college for anyone who is wicked smaht!"

As expected Elizabeth Warren and Cory Booker did well tonight, but I actually thought Bill de Blasio did a pretty good job too. Then New Yorkers were like, “Where the hell has this friggin’ guy been?!”

Trump tweeted and called the debate “boring,” but he still watched, even though he called it a, quote, "very unexciting group of people," as opposed to the rock stars he usually hangs with like Mike Pence and Steve Mnuchin.

I think I know why Trump’s upset. He’s probably jealous of the Democrats if you think about it. They got to be on TV, they got to talk about themselves, and they got to be in Florida.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 6.27.19

We are coming to you live from New York City, and Nicki Minaj is my guest tonight! Nicki’s gonna be on live -- which means right now, the NBC censor is breathing into a paper bag.

Tonight was the second Democratic debate -- or as nine candidates called it, “Operation: Destroy Joe Biden.”

There was a 40-year age difference between tonight’s candidates, ranging from 37 to 77. With Pete Buttigieg next to Biden it looked like “Take Your Kid To Work” Day.

Speaking of Buttigieg, he said Democrats need to move the party forward, and claimed his opponents want to “return to the 1990s.” Hey Pete – the top movies right now are “Toy Story,” “Men In Black,” and “Aladdin” -- we’re already back in the 90s.

In addition to the frontrunners, we also got to know some of the underdogs, and early on, a lot of people noticed that one of them, Andrew Yang, wasn’t wearing a tie. When he realized you could go casual, Biden tried to take off his pants.